A Eulogy For The Departed

I wish I could have met you,
Before this life broke you.
I wish I could have known you,
Before the world destroyed you.
I wish I could have held you,
Before you lost emotion.
I wish I could have loved you,
Before your heart was broken.

What a wonderful person you must have been,
Before the weight of burden was placed upon you.
I lament that I couldn’t know you before the pain.
I lament that I couldn’t meet him before he departed
I fear that no one ever mourned this innocence lost,
So I offer the words that you likely never heard.
Rest in peace, for this world is grossly unjust
To murder the innocence that you used to have.

I wish I could have met you,
Before this life broke you.
I wish I could have known you,
Before the world destroyed you.
I wish I could have held you,
Before you lost emotion.
I wish I could have loved you,
Before your heart was broken.

I wonder exactly what it was
That put him to rest.
I ponder this night and day.
I lie awake, wishing I knew.
Though now, it’s impossible
To see your true nature,
I still wish that I could see him.
In all the joy that he held.

I wish I could have met you,
Before this life broke you.
I wish I could have known you,
Before the world destroyed you.
I wish I could have held you,
Before you lost emotion.
I wish I could have loved you,
Before your heart was broken.

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Futures In Flames

This is my life.

The futures that I envision for myself

Are taken from me on a consistent basis.

They are completely obliterated before my very eyes.

But not before they are ruthlessly and violently ripped from my arms.

This has been my life for years.

Every time I envision a new future for myself,

It is taken from me.

Every. Fucking. Time.

And people wonder why I am the way I am.

People ACTUALLY wonder why I am so jaded.

Why I am so bitter.

And this is why!

How hard could it possibly be to see?!

Do you have any idea what this does to a person?!

To watch your ideal future burn the fuck down?!

Again and again and fucking again?!

Every fucking time?!

Constantly being barred from happiness?!

It is fucking maddening.

It breaks you.

It destroys you.

It fucking kills you slowly.

Every future I see is a fantasy

That will never come true.

Never.

Erase It All

Trust me when I say
I’d erase it all, to the very first day.
Every thing we’ve had, Every moment we’ve shared.
All of it, gone in an instant.

I’d trade it all away,
Just to know peace again.
I would forget it all,
To feel alive again.

The first words you said,
The first time our eyes met,
The first time our hands touched,
The first time our lips met,

I’d forget everything we’ve had
And all we could have,
Just to feel whole again.
Because the loneliness I felt
Before we met,
Was far less painful than loving you.

I’d erase it all from my mind,
Just so I could know peace again.
Every utterance of the words
“I love you”.

I’d trade it all away.

I’d erase it all.
Just so I can feel again.
To feel something other than anger or grief.

I’d forget everything we’ve had
And all we could have,
Just to feel whole again.
Because the loneliness I felt
Before we met,
Was far less painful than loving you.

I’d trade it all away,
Just to know peace again.
I’d forget it all,
To feel alive again.
I’d trade it all away.
I’d forget all of it.

Broken

There’s no one left to fix me.

No one capable of it, at least.

I suppose it’s time that I accept

My inevitable place in the world.

There is no one who can fix me.

There is no one who can heal me.

The only ones who can, can’t be bothered.

So what is there left for me to do?

I suppose I’ll just remain broken.

I’ll remain with the rubbish.

Where I evidently belong.

I asked “Who will fix me now?”

The answer I keep getting is “No one”

Who would fix someone who can’t even fix himself?

So I’m at my whits end.

I’m at rock bottom.

I’ll just fall in line.

I’ll play the hand,

That I dealt my self.

This is a prison

Of my own foolish design.

I have no one to blame

Other than myself.

I stupidly put myself here.

I foolishly dismantled my self.

I set myself up to watch.

My own fucking demise.

So I guess I’ll just sit back

And watch the fucking show.

Repetition

Every day always starts the same.

I open my eyes and I speak your name.

I hope that this day will be the day

That I once again get to see your face.

I hope and I pray that this will be the day

That once more I can hear your voice.

Everyday, I lie in wait hoping for a knock at my door.

And when I open it, I pray that it’s our eyes that meet.

Every sound that I hear, I hope it’s one you made.

And when I investigate, I hope to find you waiting for me.

Every phone call, I hope that it’s your voice I hear.

Every message I receive, I hope it’s your words I read.

And every night always ends the same.

I close my eyes and speak your name.

And I hope that when they open again,

I’ll see you laying there right beside me.

As if you have leapt from my dreams.

Because most of all, more than anything,

I hope that I will see you again one day.

The One That Got Away

I keep replaying the days.
The days when we were one.
Though it pains me to relive them,
Memories are the only thing I have left of you.

I fabricate ridiculous scenarios
In which you come back,
Even though I know you won’t.
All I have left are my dreams.
So at least let me hang on to them.

“The one that got away.”
Those words reverberate through my ears.
Why did you let me go,
If you didn’t want me to get away?

Please I am begging you.
Don’t come back. Stay where you are.
I can’t handle losing you all over again.
I can’t go through this all again.
I don’t want to hear your words.
I don’t want to be drawn in again.
I’m only the one that got away,
Because you let me go.

“The one that got away.”
Those words reverberate through my ears.
Why did you let me go,
If you didn’t want me to get away?

I’m on the ground. But leave me be.
Don’t pick me up. Don’t offer your hand.
Just stay away. Stay far away.
You left me here, alone.
Fuck you, You abandoned me,
So I don’t want your help.
You said it your self.
I’m the one that got away.

So just let me get away.

“The one that got away.”
Those words reverberate through my ears.
Why did you let me go,
If you didn’t want me to get away?

Why did you let me go,
If you didn’t want me to get away?

Hatred

Why is this so difficult?
I’ve hated others before you.
I’ve hated others for less.
So I ask the stars; why?

Why does it seem impossible to hate you?
Why can’t I bring myself to that point?
You cut me so deep. This should be easy.
So then why? Why can’t I hate you?

You stabbed me in the back.
You twisted it hard and slow.
You left me tired drained
You left me to die, so why?

Why does it seem impossible to hate you?
Why can’t I bring myself to that point?
You cut me so deep. This should be easy.
So then why? Why can’t I hate you?

I guess I’ll never understand it.
Maybe I like being in such pain.
I’ll never understand the reason.
All I know is that I could never hate you.

Never.

Why does it seem impossible to hate you?
Why can’t I bring myself to that point?
You cut me so deep. This should be easy.
So then why? Why can’t I hate you?