Does It Ever Cross Your Mind

Does it ever cross your mind?

How unimportant you are?

That you’re not a good person?

That very few people would miss you if you died?

Does it ever cross your mind?

That the few people who would miss you,

Wouldn’t give a damn if you died

If they knew the real you?

Does it ever cross your mind?

That they’re all too good for you?

That you’ve manipulated those few people

Into believing a fallacy?

Pretending that you care about them.

But you don’t.

The only person you care about is you.

Does it ever cross your mind?

That your own family doesn’t even care about you,

Unless they want something?

Perhaps that’s why you are the way you are.

But I digress.

This isn’t about them.

I don’t care how they’ve hurt you.

I care how you’ve hurt me.

I care how you’ve hurt others.

Does it ever cross your mind?

That you hurt people and then peg them as the bad guy?

It’s fucking wrong.

Even when you admit that you’re wrong,

Even when you apologize,

It’s half-assed.

You don’t do it for the person you’ve hurt.

You do it for you.

Does it ever cross your mind?

That there are a thousand ways you could make amends for what you’ve done?

You’re just too selfish,

Too cold-hearted,

And too cowardly

To do any of it.

Just remember.

When history inevitably repeats it’s self,

You are the problem.

You are the bad guy.

You are the reason you aren’t happy.

And it won’t be long before you self destruct again.

Does it ever cross your mind?

I doubt that it does.

Sometimes I muse about things late at night. It’s rather often that my thoughts turn to the past. Tonight, I was thinking about what I saw in some people, how I missed the signs, how I was led astray by their silver tongued, honeyed words. Some people are just good at hiding it, I suppose. They really do seem like a good person at first and it’s always too late that one notices it. I just wish other people could realize these things about the people I’ve learned the hard way about. Before it happens to them. If I could save one person from enduring one of those people, I’d feel like I’ve done some good in this world. But unfortunately, These people are in a position where I would be seen as the bad guy if I were to try and warn them. So I stay my tongue. I can only hope they figure it out themselves, before it’s too late. I don’t want anyone to experience what I’ve had to from certain people. But It’s not my place to interject. I hope they can see it before it happens.


A Mistake to Forget

Trust me when I say
I’d erase it all, to the very first day.
Every thing we’ve had, Every moment we’ve shared.
All of it, gone in an instant.

As if in a cruel twist of fate
You became my greatest mistake.
The only thing from this I’ll take.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t erase.

The first words you said,
The first time our eyes met,
The first time our hands touched,
The first time our lips met,

You were a mistake,
From the very beginning.
I wish that we had never met
Because the loneliness I felt
Before we met,
Was far less painful than loving you.

I regret all of it.
I release everything.
I lament that we met.
I wish I could forget.

I’d erase it all from my mind,
Just so I could know peace again.
Every utterance of the words
“I love you”.

Trade it all away
Trade it all away

I’d release everything we’ve had
And all we could have,
Just to feel whole again.
Because of what you put me through
After you left.
I have learned from this mistake I’ve made

Lyrics for a new Wolf Herder Song. I repurposed my lyrics for “Erase it all” and took the general idea of “Mistake” and merged it into one. Go see those posts if you’re reading this and are curious. They’re both about the same person, So I figured they’d make a good merge.

Fight of Futility

I can’t fight it anymore.

I just can’t.

For one reason or another,

The numbness always comes.

I try my hardest to shake it off.

But it’s like the harder I try,

The more powerful it is.

It’s gone from a sting to crippling.

So I just can’t fight it anymore.

I just simply don’t have the strength.

Not anymore.

The only thing I can do is wait it out.

Wait and hope that I make it through this time.

But even that is exhausting.

It’s exhausting being a slave to my own brain.

A brain that seems to be wired to self destruct.

I don’t know what else to do anymore.

It seems like waiting this out is my last option.

Let the waiting begin then, I suppose.

Cut and Run

You hide under the guise of a
Cold, unfeeling shell.
Take your shelter behind your
weak and crumbling walls.

You’re not fooling a single person.
Everyone knows you are
A coward by nature

It shows in your step.
It shows in your voice.
It shows in the way you cut.
It shows in the way you run.

We hear how quiet you are as you speak.
We see how tense you always seem to be.
There is no courage in how you run away.
It’s all so clear; A coward wouldn’t stay.

Go ahead, Run away from this.
Go ahead, And prove me right again
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Cut and Run.
Cut and Run.

Go ahead and Run away from this.
Go ahead, It’s nothing unexpected.
Go ahead and Prove me right again.
Go ahead and Cut and Run.

Cut and run.
prove me right again and
Cut and run.
prove me right again

Cut and Run
Cut and Run
Prove me right again.


Note: Lyrics for a new Wolf Herder Song in the works. Subject to change.

Some Assembly Required

I’ll never wish this on anyone,

This feeling that I have.

Not knowing if you did it right this time.

I’ve been unmade so many times.

I don’t remember where the pieces go.

I can’t remember what fits where.

I do know that I fucked up somewhere.

I can feel it. Somethings are out of place.

Each time I’ve been disassembled,

I’ve tried my best to reconstruct myself.

But there are so many fragments.

There are just… so fucking many.

And each time, it takes me longer.

Each time it gets harder.

The broken pieces get smaller.

I’m losing faith.

I fear I’ll crumble.

The fragments that comprise my being,

Won’t last much longer.

It’s like trying to build a statue

Using nothing but pebbles.

Even if I’m bound to crumble,

I’ll still try everytime.

Even though I know the futility of it all,

I’ll do my best to rebuild my self.

This wasn’t the first time.

And if my past is any indicator,

This will not be the last.


I was set ablaze by malignant hands.

One whom I trusted with my life.

I was thought to be gone.

Unable to be saved.

I myself, even believed this to be true.

But there was one who refused to let me burn.

He grabbed my hands.

He wiped the ashes away.

He held me tight.

He refused to let me go.

Unlike so many others,

He believes that I am worth saving.

He has led me to believe this too.

So I was forged anew.

From the ashes I rise.

You have become my wings.

I know you’ll carry me high.

You’ve rekindled the fire in my heart,

That was nearly snuffed out.

Together we will rise.

Together we will reach new heights.


Time has passed.
Love has faded.
Hatred has subsided.
Apathy has settled.

The time that has passed has granted me a gift.
The gift that I’ve gained is that of clarity.
Clarity in the knowledge that I have learned.
I have learned and I have grown.

You were a mistake,
From the very beginning.
I should have ignored you.
And I see that now.

If there is one thing that you have proven,
It’s that you were the biggest mistake of my life.
I wonder what that must feel like;
To be someones greatest regret.
I’d ask you to enlighten me,
But I’d rather not know.
It’s a position I’ve never been in.
But it’s one that you now own.

I’ve wasted my time on you.
I’ve wasted tears on you.
I’ve wasted words on you.
Now I’ll waste no more.

I hope someday you’ll hear these words,
Though you assuredly already know,
You were my life’s greatest mistake;
Now it’s time for me to let you go.

Bill Kristy, You really were the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. And I use your name so that there is no ambiguity, no confusion, and no question that I am speaking of you, should you ever read this. I want you to know how much I regret falling in love with you. I let my self fall for you harder than anyone I’ve ever fallen for. I let my guard down completely and truly let someone in for the first time in my life. And in return, you took my trust, my love, and my very being, and you obliterated it all. I truly hope that you stay far away from me. I don’t have the heart to tell you face to face that everything we’ve been through, every kiss, every embrace, every word, every emotion, and every fucking interaction, should have never happened. All of it was a mistake that should have never happened. I should have never responded to you when you first spoke to me on Facebook. I don’t have the heart to tell you, but should you ever contact me again, I’ll find the nerve to say it. And it’s not out of malice, or anger, or hatred. It’s simply a matter of fact. The sky is blue, Water is wet, tomatoes are fruit, and Bill Kristy, you were the biggest mistake of my life. It is simply a fact.