Some Assembly Required

I’ll never wish this on anyone,

This feeling that I have.

Not knowing if you did it right this time.

I’ve been unmade so many times.

I don’t remember where the pieces go.

I can’t remember what fits where.

I do know that I fucked up somewhere.

I can feel it. Somethings are out of place.

Each time I’ve been disassembled,

I’ve tried my best to reconstruct myself.

But there are so many fragments.

There are just… so fucking many.

And each time, it takes me longer.

Each time it gets harder.

The broken pieces get smaller.

I’m losing faith.

I fear I’ll crumble.

The fragments that comprise my being,

Won’t last much longer.

It’s like trying to build a statue

Using nothing but pebbles.

Even if I’m bound to crumble,

I’ll still try everytime.

Even though I know the futility of it all,

I’ll do my best to rebuild my self.

This wasn’t the first time.

And if my past is any indicator,

This will not be the last.

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Phoenix

I was set ablaze by malignant hands.

One whom I trusted with my life.

I was thought to be gone.

Unable to be saved.

I myself, even believed this to be true.

But there was one who refused to let me burn.

He grabbed my hands.

He wiped the ashes away.

He held me tight.

He refused to let me go.

Unlike so many others,

He believes that I am worth saving.

He has led me to believe this too.

So I was forged anew.

From the ashes I rise.

You have become my wings.

I know you’ll carry me high.

You’ve rekindled the fire in my heart,

That was nearly snuffed out.

Together we will rise.

Together we will reach new heights.

Mistake

Time has passed.
Love has faded.
Hatred had subsided.
Apathy has settled.

The time that has passed has granted me a gift.
The gift that I’ve gained is that of clarity.
Clarity in the knowledge that I have learned.
I have learned and I have grown.

You were a mistake,
From the very beginning.
I should have ignored you.
And I see that now.

If there is one thing that you have proven,
It’s that you were the biggest mistake of my life.
I wonder what that must feel like;
To be someones greatest failure.
I’d ask you to enlighten me,
But I’d rather not know.
It’s a position I’ve never been in.
But it’s one that you now own.

I’ve wasted my time on you.
I’ve wasted tears on you.
I’ve wasted words on you.
Now I’ll waste no more.

I hope someday you’ll hear these words,
Though you assuredly already know,
You were my life’s greatest mistake;
Now it’s time for me to let you go.

Note:
Bill Kristy, You really were the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. And I use your name so that there is no ambiguity, no confusion, and no question that I am speaking of you, should you ever read this. I want you to know how much I regret falling in love with you. I let my self fall for you harder than anyone I’ve ever fallen for. I let my guard down completely and truly let someone in for the first time in my life. And in return, you took my trust, my love, and my very being, and you obliterated it all. I truly hope that you stay far away from me. I don’t have the heart to tell you face to face that everything we’ve been through, every kiss, every embrace, every word, every emotion, and every fucking interaction, should have never happened. All of it was a mistake that should have never happened. I should have never responded to you when you first spoke to me on Facebook. I don’t have the heart to tell you, but should you ever contact me again, I’ll find the nerve to say it. And it’s not out of malice, or anger, or hatred. It’s simply a matter of fact. The sky is blue, Water is wet, tomatoes are fruit, and Bill Kristy, you were the biggest mistake of my life. It is simply a fact.

Time

Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days.
Prescribed by the wretched fools who’ve never felt my pain.
Years, Decades, Centuries.
Can nothing can mend this gaping hole.

What could heal a wounded soul?
How can I not abandon hope?
I’m clutching at my heart and asking why,
“Time heals all wounds” is a Lie.

And so they will speak there lies,
Acting as if my pain is contrived.
They will say “Time heals all wounds.”
But what would they say if they could see my soul?

What could heal a wounded soul?
How can I not abandon hope?
I’m clutching at my heart and asking why,
“Time heals all wounds” is a Lie.

I’m desperate
To end this pain.
I’m bleeding out,
From this sorrow.
I beg you all
For something real.
I don’t believe
That time will heal.

So it’s come to this waiting game.
I suppose I will pray that time will save me.

Now it’s been an eternity.
Time has proven it’s a fallacy.
Everyone told me that in time, I’d heal.
The only thing It’s proven is that pain is real.

What could heal a wounded soul?
How can I not abandon hope?
I’m clutching at my heart and asking why,
“Time heals all wounds” is a Lie.

What could heal a wounded soul?
How can I not abandon hope?
I’m clutching at my heart and asking why,
“Time heals all wounds” is a Lie.

Suffer My Curse (Curse Pt II)

The fate of your life is in my hands.
It has become my play-thing.
I could give you everything you’d ever want,
But I’d rather watch you suffer

So suffer my curse of unending anguish.
My blight is upon you. Writhe in solitude.

A vile curse placed upon you
Pain, misery, and torture.
All will abandon you.
You will die all alone.
You will lose all you love
When this ends you will know pain
There is no escape for the wicked,
Now suffer my curse

Suffer my curse.

Suffer my curse.

You deserve to lose everything.
The same way that you took it all from me.
The power has shifted back into my hands.
You will suffer my pain
Your intentions were impure, of this I can be sure
You dragged my dreams right down into the floor
But The power’s in my hands, And now you’ll meet your end
You will suffer my curse.

A vile curse placed upon you
Pain, misery, and torture.
All will abandon you.
You will die all alone.
You will lose all you love
When this ends you will know pain
There is no escape for the wicked,
Now suffer my curse.

The fate of your life is in my hands.
It has become my play-thing.
I could give you everything you’d ever want,
But instead, you’ll suffer my curse.

The Molecular Level

Look at you. Anyone can see it all seeping out
Through every pore.
This is what it looks like, right down to the molecular level.
Yours is the face of pure evil.

You play fucking games.
You toy with emotions.
You treat a person’s heart
Like it’s your fucking toy
With blatant disregard
For anyone but you.
This is what it looks like.
The face of evil is yours

Look at you. Evil is all anyone can see seeping
Through every pore.
This is what it looks like, right down to the molecular level.
Yours is the face of pure evil.

We all watch and look on.
Witness every act of malevolence
You commit unspeakable deeds
Leaving nothing but sorrow in your wake.
Every fucking cell, residing within you.
Is only programmed for evil.
Every last cell, is a carrier of hate.
Reproducing constantly at a disconcerting rate.

You are a being comprised of hatred.
You are a man constructed to inflict.
You were born knowing only one thing.
Programmed to hate. Evil by birth.
All you do is inflict suffering
All you know is how to make everyone hurt
But so easily you fool them all
You fooled us all, and now it’s too late.

All you are is evil,
At a molecular level.

All you are is evil,
At a molecular level.

Evil flows through your veins.
Bleeding out into the world, causing only pain.
Sorrow is left in your wake.
Striding through the fucking world, breeding only hate.
Heartless is how you will be known.
Rending hopes and crushing dreams, Your will, it shall be sown
Foolish; the ones that think you’re pure.
You tricked me twice and took your leave to find another fool.

All you are is evil,
At a molecular level.

All you are is evil,
At a molecular level.

A Eulogy For The Departed

I wish I could have met you,
Before this life broke you.
I wish I could have known you,
Before the world destroyed you.
I wish I could have held you,
Before you lost emotion.
I wish I could have loved you,
Before your heart was broken.

What a wonderful person you must have been,
Before the weight of burden was placed upon you.
I lament that I couldn’t know you before the pain.
I lament that I couldn’t meet him before he departed
I fear that no one ever mourned this innocence lost,
So I offer the words that you likely never heard.
Rest in peace, for this world is grossly unjust
To murder the innocence that you used to have.

I wish I could have met you,
Before this life broke you.
I wish I could have known you,
Before the world destroyed you.
I wish I could have held you,
Before you lost emotion.
I wish I could have loved you,
Before your heart was broken.

I wonder exactly what it was
That put him to rest.
I ponder this night and day.
I lie awake, wishing I knew.
Though now, it’s impossible
To see your true nature,
I still wish that I could see him.
In all the joy that he held.

I wish I could have met you,
Before this life broke you.
I wish I could have known you,
Before the world destroyed you.
I wish I could have held you,
Before you lost emotion.
I wish I could have loved you,
Before your heart was broken.